Ah! not my day.

and surprisingly, it's okay

Dear,

How have you been?

In another day, August dances away. For me, it has been a month of assortments: body aches, and anguish, but also of downtime with friends, time in Mother Nature and a lot of gratitude.

I hope it was great for you. And I really hope that you are doing well.

Okay, confession time: This Tuesday is just not my day.

I spend hours looking at the screen, and wrote chunky paragraphs after two hours of lurking here during the day only to delete them. Words weren’t flowing, it felt forceful and now I am living inside my mind overdriving, doubting myself, thinking maybe ‘I am not good enough’.

To be honest, I have had umpteen lacklustre days like this. Days where I felt like crumbling under the weight of not living up to my potential.

But something different happened now.

I choose not to sulk, even though I am perturbed by not being able to articulate my thoughts here, I choose not to burden myself with the anguish of not finding words or writing a letter to you, even though my inner demons wish the same.

Instead, I choose to find solace in my attempts, my trial and error.

Instead of judging myself today, I choose joy; in the process of sitting down, typing and backspacing.

Instead of deriving fulfilment only out of writing this letter (which I am clearly failing at), today I found joy in taking a walk, revisiting my gallery inundated with pictures of Mother Nature, teaching English, making chai, checking on my friends and listening to my favourite indie tracks. These seemingly tiny and different sources of joy reassure me that this life is worth pursuing beyond everyday scoreboards.

‘Joy’, is a choice I consciously try to make every single day, irrespective of the circumstances.

In pursuing joy, especially on odd, tiring days, I am drawn back into life again, drawn into the radical acceptance that not all days are yours and it’s okay.

Finding and chasing joy helps me come back to life with vigour. This life, my love, is just not a race, is not about getting it right all the time, is not about winning always, rather about participating in it and savouring the everyday however it turns out. This life is also about accepting your humanity, giving up the idea of perfection, chasing your beauty, also embracing your shortcomings.

Kyoodies,

as you dance to the uncertainties of life, fight for your joy, please?

Meanwhile, here’s something for you from my pockets of peace :

a companion for you to sit down with

you will learn "NOTHING" from this

a perspective reset

Till I see you next tuesday

Tataaaa

Love,

Aachie.